I love this! I am one of those who does have the abusive past, and it doesn’t do any good to harbor the resentment for that junk. Believe me; I tried it. Then along came my son, and all of the sudden I saw things from a different perspective. that doesn’t negate the fact that there were some wrongs in my life as a child, but it sure makes it easier to love my family despite them. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. And the most rewarding. Many days I feel like a real jerk because he is angry that we didn’t allow him to have his way. But one day....he will understand things from our perspective, and he hopefully will appreciate the tears, fear, worry,prayers and celebration that went into his life from behind our bedroom doors at night.

my parents weren’t perfect, but i never had to doubt whether they loved me. I doubt your kids will ever have to wonder that either.

Not to mention that most of those instant decisions are made from a severely sleep deprived state!

First, you have horribly scarred Gresham for life.  He was destined to greatness as a football player who would MVP every year for 20 years and could afford to give you your every want in your golden years.

Or maybe not.

If you decide that was the wrong decision, there’s always next year, right?

Secondly, your comments about those who blame their parents for all their problems as an adult remind me of the words of a great philosopher.  “I’m what’s wrong with this world.”

Having kids changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I appreciate and love my parents so much more now.

Amen!  I’ve really been missing both my parents this summer.  We’ve been through a MAJOR trial with our 15 year old daughter this summer and I miss being able to pick up the phone and get wisdom dispensed to me immediately.  Even though I think I remember much of the wisdom they imparted to me while raising me, I sure wish I could get a refresher now and again.  Even when I know I’ve made the best decision for my kids, it’s not always easy to accept it, or get them to see that it truly is for their best, and not done “to” them.

Beth

For every time I’ve worried about a choice I’d made as the mom, and for every regret I’ve had for the same, I’m able to look at my grown and nearly grown kids and say “ya know? I didn’t do so bad.”

Especially with my 17 year old daughter. The past 3½ years have been full of trials and tribulations. But just this past weekend I had one of her friends’ moms tell me “Wow, she is really a great kid.” Not too bad Diana, not too bad.

Football will pass, and life will move on to bigger things.

One ahtletic shoe endorsement=? many people rescued from Big Sugar...I don’t know- you do the math

I will qualify this as I don’t have children, but as the sister of a boy/man who’s identity became his athletic ability I say you’re safer encouraging your children to be athletic in whatever way you chose while ensuring they do not become the center of the family.  Our family has for the last 15 years focused on my brother’s hockey playing - emotionally, relationally and financially he was the star, the focus - and it wore on everyone and in the end it took until it was he was 22 and in university on a hockey contract (they don’t do scholarships in Canada) that he has come to see himself as more then his hockey then his goals against, even though our family can’t see that yet.

Not to mention football is dangerous in the long term - both my brother and Shawn are dealing with the long term effects of concussions.  It’s not worth it.

There goes any social skill Gresham would otherwise have

I’m sure he’ll turn out fine! He’s got a couple of great parents!

Ephesians 5:15-21, Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…

Ephesains 6:4, Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)

I don’t see anything about football in there…

We live in a day and age where popular thinking in our society seems to be that everybody’s screwed up because of their parents, and therefore the best way to solve this problem is by never saying “no” to our children, never disciplining them. My wife recently quit her teaching job because it was literally quite impossible to keep 24 2-year-olds in line while constantly being reminded that she could never tell them “no” or punish them in any for being spoiled little brats.

Children are selfish by nature, I think. The first thought that goes through a toddler’s head when he sees a shiny object is, “Ooh, that’s mine!” It’s probably human nature. I’m not sure we ever outgrow it, aside from the grace of God and a tiresome amount of effort on the part of our parents to say, “No, you have to share” and/or remind us that we’re not entitled to something just because it looked desirable.

I can think of tons of things my Mom wouldn’t let me do or have. Some of them, when I turned 18, I decided I wanted to do or have them anyway. And some of those things, I was better off not having. (Others, my Mom was just plain wrong about, but guess what, being deprived of them didn’t scar me for life - it just delayed the gratification until I was old enough to know how to exercise a little moderation.)

Show me a child who was verbally, sexually, or physically abused, or who was constantly told by his/her parents that he/she wasn’t good enough, and then ‘ll have some empathy. As for everyone else, just grow the (expletive) up already.

To sum up, I’m pretty sure your child will not be scarred for life just because his parents didn’t have the time to ferry him back and forth to 10,000 games and practices. I’m not an expert (but since I don’t have kids, I’m great at the whole “armchair parenting” thing that annoys people who really do have kids), but I figure there will be other, hopefully less time-consuming opportunities for him to pursue his interest in sports if that interest persists strongly as I get older. At some point, if he’s that determined that this is something he’s truly interested in (and not just a passing whim as many 5-year-olds are prone to have), I’m sure you’ll be able to find a way to encourage his interests. There will be another chance. For now, he’s 5, so chances are he’ll have forgotten all about this grave offense by dinnertime.

I’m so glad other parents feel this same way!  My little boy is only 8 months, so I haven’t had to make any really hard decisions for him yet, but we already feel like this- should I have put him down for his nap and let him cry, or should I have rocked him?  Should I pick up his cup when he drops it on purpose or not? I’m sure your kids won’t be scarred for life, though, as long as they know you made the decisions you thought were best for them, out of love.  Which I’m sure they will.

Thank you for putting this into words! I’ve been feeling the same way about all the myriad decisions my husband and I must make about raising our children, and all the activities we can choose to steer them into (or not). I suppose it’s best to just accept that they may not agree with all our decisions when they’re grown, but trust that they’ll have the knowledge of our unconditional love and best efforts to fall back on.

I totally agree with this! Parenting decisions could be so confusing, and you’ll never know how the kids will take them. Although, I feel bad for Gresham, it sounds like he really wants to play football.