08.13.08 You Can’t Handle The Truth
For a brief time, when I was an opinionated loudmouthed argumentative teen, my mom thought I should be an attorney. They get paid to argue with people, she reasoned. Mom’s smart.
This morning I hit the road at 4AM. (Previously, scientists believed musicians were incapable of standing and walking around at this hour but I showed them.) I drove to Louisville, Kentucky to face a judge on account of a little driving infraction. It wasn’t traffic court. It was criminal court, on account of my little infraction being not so little: I was driving way over the speed limit. You can loose lose your license in Kentucky for such a thing. I live in Tennessee though, and I don’t think Kentucky can take away my license here, but I started talking anyway—like the opinionated loudmouthed argumentative informed verbose persuasive adult I am.
Thank God the prosecutor was a middle-aged Christian female in the South. I know middle-aged Christian females in the South. I have a middle-aged Christian female in the South Jedi/Christian-artist-mind-trick thing I’ve honed over eight years of soft rocking churches packed with middle-aged Christian females in the South.
I got the charges reduced to plain ol’ speeding. And I think I have to play at a seven year-old’s birthday party now. And make balloon animals. I’m not sure what went down really. I went all Perry Mason in the courtroom, called a side-bar, yelled “objection” a couple times, then left my body for a few minutes and when I came to again I was forking over $200 to a disgruntled government employee moving papers around all slothlike behind bullet-proof glass. And somehow 20% of the courtroom sponsored children.
Quite the morning, let me tell ya.
I’m home now. Taking a nap before the gig tonight in the Nashville area. I’ll see some of you there I hope.
Linda Sue said:
Shawannn - be careful with that out of body stuff -might be a prelude to joining up with Oprah’s church.(JK folks don’t go all ballistic, boycotting or not on me). Anyhow - was it sarcastic humor or did you really get some of the courtroom to sponsor children!? How cool is that? BTW - the balloon animals gig is all good - our friends who are missionaries in Honduras do balloon animals as their schtick to get deaf children (and their compadres) to stop and pay attention. Try it - you might like it (I’m chuckling here - no Jedi mind tricking on this Southern Christian woman - I’m past middle aged so been around that block too many times!)Have a good gig in Nashville - at least the food will be great right?
said:
Jedi mind tricks never work on middle aged Christian female slothlike disgruntled government employees from New Jersey,
informed verbose persuasive soft rock boy.
Never.
said:
You Rock, Nancy!!!
Beth
Shaun Groves said:
You’re here aren’t you?
Rocks In My Dryer said:
Shaun, this seriously made me laugh out loud.
Chris said:
What does it mean to “loose” your license? Do they put elastic on it so that it will fit better even after you have a big meal?
Just being a smart a**.....
If I ever have legal problems in the South, I’ll be sure to give you a call (kind of like Joe Pesci in “My Cousin Vinny")…
Andy Vandergriff said:
were there only 5 people in the courtroom?
Mac @ Motorcycle Fairing said:
yeah, traffic laws sometimes suck, particularly when you go over for a few miles ahead of the limit. But glad you made it home.
Outdoor Furniture said:
are we missing something?? trafiic laws protect people from bad drivers too.
Honda Fairings said:
And let me tell you that some cities have cops almost every single corner just looking for small errors to give tickets to the drivers. lol that’s not fair.