02.01.08 Pride Comes Before A Fall (Or Return To Broke Back Mountain)
"Do you want to take the class?” she asked.
I looked at the five and six year-olds in fluffy snow jackets and knit hats topped with little pom poms of yarn. Not an old guy in the bunch. “No, I think I can figure it out,” I said.
Becky, an expert skier, gave me tips on the way up the bunny slope’s lift. The lift reached the top, I turned to head down the slope and hit 300 miles per hour in less than 60 seconds - my svelteness perhaps cutting down on wind resistance dramatically. And that’s when it happened: a twelve year-old on a snowboard cut me off and wiped out in front of me. “Snow play!” Becky shouted from behind me.
The next thing I knew I was tumbling down the icy mountain stuck in the splits, feeling things in my groinal area and lower back pop and tear.
The next morning I threw up. The next day I went on a string of gigs in horrible pain. The next week the doctor said I’d broken my hip. I’ve had nerve damage in my lower body, reoccurring back problems and a fear of twelve year-olds ever since.
Fast forward seven years. Last night, I sprinted across a restaurant parking lot in the rain without a coat while Becky waited at the door for me to bring the car around. As I sprinted off she said for the fifth time, “Let me get the car, I have a coat.”
Did I mention I’ve got new shoes: Dallas Shoe Warehouse. $21. Diesel shoes. Stylish. Slick.
I landed on the hip the bunny slope didn’t take out and slid about ten feet across the asphalt donutting slightly and bruising my hip and ego.
Aims said:
Oww...Now I know why I never want to go skiing. I’ve only ever had 1 broken bone and that was when I was two and I broke 2 of my fingers on my left hand at the same time. Still have the scars to prove it. But hey look on the brightside, scars tell great stories!
anon4him said:
aww you poor man. At least you weren’t trying to show off or anything--you were just trying to be a gentleman, and that should always be appreciated even if it causes you some pain and inconvenience.
said:
In my best mother’s voice: If you had been wearing the coat I brought you last week, you wouldn’t have had to sprint...I hope you’re not expecting sympathy from ME, mister.
*sigh* What are we gonna do with you?
Justin doesn’t like coats either, that’s why he bought a lined jacket and left that one hanging in the closet.
Seriously though, I hope you didn’t hurt yourself too badly. I have to ask: Becky didn’t happen to get that on video, by any chance, did she?
Forever His Clay said:
Well, I am sure Becky appreciates the chivalry. =)
RevJeff said:
LOVE HURTS… Yeah, yeah…
Chivalry is right behind it… no puns intended
said:
You’ll do ANYTHING to get out of playing in ND in the winter time won’t you? I’m not buying it mister! I’m already scouting all the organic healthfood stores in the area so I can feed you over the weekend. If I don’t have any luck, there’s plenty of farmer’s fields around. Can’t get much more organic than that!
Beth
P.S. GREAT “mother’s voice” Cristy. I just rushed to make sure I had MY coat with met today!
euphrony said:
It’s always the ego which suffers the worst bruising.
Katherine said:
Your title totally made me think this was gonna be about Heath Ledger’s death…
so sorry to say, I was relieved to see that it was about injuring yourself.
Sorry for you, though! And for Becky… no fun to have an injured husband.
said:
I only have 1 word to say: groinal
said:
Didn’t you see that episode of Myth Busters?!?! They showed you get more soaked by running through the rain than if you walked through it....plus you look a lot more manly walking through the rain rather than running through it. Of course that’s only because I’ve seen you run.