10.25.08 Buyer’s Remorse
I remember my mom taking me shopping when I was in middle school. She’d find stuff she thought was “cute,” I’d try it on, we’d like how I looked and then I’d tell her not to buy any of it.
Back then money was a little tight in our house. Mom didn’t know I knew it but I did. And there was no way I was gonna let her buy me clothes I didn’t need with money she didn’t have.
I always lost those battles - mom would put her foot down, pull out her department store credit card and I’d soon be walking around in new white shoes and crisp blue jeans. And I’d feel awful for a few days.
It comes and goes but I still struggle with buyer’s remorse. The higher the price tag, the worse the symptoms. In my closet, stuffed in a corner, is a small stack of tags and receipts - most of them too old to even be useful. They’re my secret safety net, my security blanket. I figure if the remorse doesn’t go away or God appears to me in a vision and tells me to take those guitar picks and socks back, I can grab my receipts and go on a returning spree. Just knowing I have that option gets me through the days just after a purchase.
In our attic - again, in a corner - are the boxes of my first laptop, the video camera we bought our first year of marriage and a battery charger I sold in a garage sale years ago. I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with this, but I have more boxes for stuff than I have stuff - originally stored away just in case a return became necessary.
Yesterday, I spent just over $1000. I bought a high end HD camera - the kind some indie film makers use. I did lots of research. Professional film guys say it’s the best bang for the buck. Numerous reviewers give it their highest rating. And while I know it’ll be put to good use and save hundreds of lives eventually, but I still can’t stop feeling awful about it. Once again I’m standing in Dillards arguing about whether I really needed those shoes...I mean that camera.
And what’s worse? Recording one song costs more than that camera. A lot more. I may need therapy before this month is over.
Anybody else have this problem? How do you deal with it?
Ron Woods said:
I simply tell my wife what I’m about to buy and she tells me “no” and the entire event is over before it begins. Try it. If your wife doesn’t cooperate I’m sure my wife would be willing to tell you “no.” Happy to help.
Seth Ward said:
Heck yes, I do. This is really pathetic, but when I first bought an expensive Keyboard… (4,000 bucks) I actually cried… a little. Like a tear. Maybe it was yawn-tears… or the Carpenters on the radio…
Sounds weird and wussy but that comes from growing up in a family that had to buy food in bulk from the government. Cheese that just got oily when heated… etc. Remorse is just a fancy word for guilt and guilt has been my life-long struggle.
I can’t buy anything unless I get it at a deal. Period. I keep boxes as well and get all antsy when Amber wants to throw them away.
I think I need a hug.
The parable of the talents is the only thing that helps me along the way, but that parable, like most parables of Jesus, can be grossly misapplied.
In short, I think you are a big selfish scumbag for splurging. You should repent and get saved.
said:
We are commanded to tithe and to be generous.
Are you?
We are warned against directing our hearts toward earthly treasures.
Are you?
Isn’t it true that you will use the camera to further His kingdom through Compassion and this site, or are you just planning to video your wife sunbathing by the pool?
Isn’t it true that the money you spend in the studio is used to spread the gospel, or are you hoping to become the world’s most adored soft-rock star?
I believe its all about where our hearts lie. The bible doesn’t tell us we must live in poverty. And it doesn’t say we cannot ever have things for ourselves just because it makes us happy. Just don’t get on your knees and praise your camera!
If you’re going to deprive yourself of some new clothes now and then, or a new tv, or even a new home, then you may as well stop eating dinner out, start traveling via Greyhound, and oh yeah, cancel your cable and forget the movie theater. There’s plenty of good, wholesome entertainment on PBS.
Amy @ My Friend Amy said:
I have buyer’s remorse for large items but not so much for smaller items.
said:
Unfortunately I have the opposite problem; especially when my depression rears it’s ugly head. It’s sad and I hate it, but conquering it is much easier said than done.
said:
You got the RED camera I’m assuming? I’ve heard they’re awesome.
Shaun Groves said:
Nope, Taylor. That’s overkill for me. But, yes, I’ve heard they’re awesome too.
leslie, can I video stuff that helps people AND film my wife by the pool? Or how about my wife by a pool talking about poor kids? Can my wife somehow be in a swimsuit? There has to be a way to make this work. Let me ponder.
Seth, next time I’m in NYC I promise we’ll go shopping. And then we’ll hug it out.
said:
Congratulations on getting the camera!!!!
I don’t get buyer’s remorse because I obsess and fret and pray and make pro-con lists and make friends nuts listening to my neurotic ruminating before I buy something for myself that costs over a hundred bucks. So I’m really sure when the benjamins and I part ways.
It took me a year to research and buy my digital camera, two years to research my car and it took three years after I decided to buy a house before I had the guts to actually purchase it. I’m currently into month three of researching cell phones and plans. Yuck.
Texas in Africa said:
Yep. All the time.
I’ve just had to learn that living in the tension probably means that I’m living the way I should be. And I’m pretty sure that, when I pay attention to the tension, it makes me a wiser, more careful, less frivolous consumer.
Thomas said:
Very rarely do I feel regret when I buy a big ticket item. I debated, prayed about ,and researched the car I bought for almost two years before I bought it. It ended up that my back was against the wall when I bought it. The other day I mentioned to my brother I should have bought the car when I first decided that I needed to replace my old car.
The purchase I seem to regret are the twenty to fifty dollar items. Most of those purchases ends up being stuff that I do not need.
Thomas
annie said:
I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Shaun. But, at the same time, I know what you mean. It’s because our culture make us SEE the money. Really? It’s not about that at all.
said:
About saving boxes - generally we wait so long before making purchases of electronics that we do not really have buyers remorse, but I can really empathize about the boxes you have saved. We must still have every single computer box, DVD player box, golly even the box for the $11 toaster! We have lived in our house for 30 years, but it always seems wise to keep the boxes “for when we may move”!
said:
I’m like that!
I usually just throw away the receipts, if only b’cos I have no room to store them, but I do feel bad when I’m given the option of something expensive. I usually deliberately look for something less expensive that would still suit my needs.
But I also have slightly wierd taste in clothing and such, so the stuff I like are often cheaper already, and that’s just cool how it works out!
Seth Ward said:
Deal.
btw, you should come up and do your thing for the Redeemer Recover Group or the songwriters forum. Genny Owens was up here a while back. I help lead worship for the Recovery group and could set it up.
You interested?
Shaun Groves said:
Absolutely, Seth.
said:
Receipts in the closet corner.......brilliant!
Kenyon said:
Shaun...If YOU really wanted this camera would you have purchased it much sooner? It seems to me that God has truly blessed you with this camera and is meeting a need even if you don’t see it yet. $1000 for a professional HD camera is an unbelievable deal, but don’t dis it simply because God gave it to you. Do you like it when your kids downplay something special you have given them?
Jennifer, Snapshot said:
I do okay once I’ve actually purchased something, but I have an awful time leading up to it. Even for something necessary, like a fridge or a washer/dryer (not just a new one—the ONE that we needed to buy).
I love Leslie’s thoughts, and I think that she’s right.
There’s a line—I don’t know where it is, but it’s there somewhere. I guess we have to trust that God will show it to us.
I have a feeling that in about 2 weeks, when I’ve returned home from my Compassion trip to the DR that line might be in a different place in my life.
Rachel said:
Simple.
I don’t shop.
Well, I do. But I rarely buy before I shop around and go to the store’s website to see if there’s a better deal/selection. Sometimes, though, I do breathe a little. =)
After I bought my digital SLR, I felt badly for a bit. But that had more to do with expectations of others than myself. Perhaps that’s the root issue…
Angela said:
Hmmm… the whole boxes in the attic and receipts piled in the closet thing brought to mind a song I’ve loved for years and that’s touched my heart over and over. This song has encouraged me to be myself, and give over every part of my life to Christ to be transformed. Something about, “...the souvenirs from floor to ceiling gathered on my search for meaning, every closet’s filled with clutter, messes yet to be discovered. I’m overwhelmed, I understand I can’t make this place all that You can.”
God’s desire is to bless us and use us. He will also be faithful to give us the tools to do exactly what He asks. You’re making a difference. The difference you’ve made in my life has been extended to other lives through the difference I’ve made. The circles get bigger and bigger. Your heart is right. The camera is good.
Go throw away the boxes.